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 Attitude Disclaimer:

    I have recently been introduced to some interesting topics relating to Spirituality, God, and religion. I wish nothing more than to declare a few philosophies and thoughts of my own on this page and hopefully interest a few people in them.... We are all suffering. You know that, of course! But who do you blame? Who's fault is where you're coming from. "Why would God do these things to us? Why does he let bad things happen?" That is a way of seeing it, but actually...God did not give you suffering; He gave you the free choice to suffer. This is completely different. It is our own free choice, and we choose to suffer. In everything we do we suffer simply because of our own actions and our own ego. I'm not trying to sound like some sort of philosopher or dictator but you might want to go check out or buy Method of the Siddhas some time. It could change your life; it changed mine.

                                      +Animal Society+

                         Animal society?
                         I think not!
                         Human race, human beings
                         Human thoughts on human things
 
                       "Human race! What do you mean?
                        We are not animals. We are intelligent.
                        We are sophisticated."
                                                   
                        Social groups so damn territorial
                        Kill you if you say you like
                        The red flower instead of the blue
 
                       "To call us animals is an outrage!"
                        Is it....or is it the truth?
 
                       Human society?
                       Yes, quite so.
                       Human race, human beings
                       Human thoughts on human things
 
 

          People in the world today are so foolish and judgmental. It sickens me sometimes to see how my own age group judges others their age. If you don't wear the cool pants and the cool shoes and have the cool hair, then you simply can't be talked to. It is ridiculous! What are we trying to accomplish with all of that? When I speak of my own age I talk of teenagers of course. Out of any age group, I dislike being around people my age the most because of their immaturity. Oh, sure, it is fun to act childish and I do it often, but I'm talking about immature in the way of how they determine what is good or cool and what is bad or dorky. They talk about the most unimportant things! Oh sure, I love to gossip about this guy and that teacher, but I come across friends who secretly hate one another; or at least one of them does; and they will constantly go behind their backs and talk horribly about them! That is so ridiculous. I would never go behind my friend's back and start cursing about them or something; and whenever friends of mine trash other friends of ours I never even know what they are talking about! They tell me that one person brags about herself and tears others down and that another is controlling and highly annoying, but I never see these things! I see good, kind friends who are fun and don't judge me for who I'm not. That is all I see in my friends. Sure, I get annoyed, who doesn't? But, one or two small annoyances is nothing to go and hate them for!
 
     People every day, everywhere tear each other down. And it is pointless! It will get you and no one else anything. I saddens me to see our world the way it is; with murders and bombing and shootings and rapes. It is all so pointless. I almost think that people are more animals than animals themselves! Maybe not all of them, a great portion are wonderful intelligent people, but those who aren't....should we really just lock them up in a cell and never think another thought about it? I mean, shouldn't we try to help them at least? Shouldn't we; for the sake of the future or the human race; try to improve our race overall? Would that not help something? Give them a chance! I know, their are murderers who will be murderes, but you don't know they will stay the way they are until you give them a chance and open up to them. I don't mean set them free and let them run wild, but we could pay a little more attention to treating them the way they would want to be treated. Prison; in a way; should not be a punishment, but a way of changing these people's lives and making their lives worth living. If we just taught them about things and maybe gave them some help in their clearly disturbed lives, perhaps at least some of them would turn around; learn something; "get it".

+Spiritual and Religious Life:        I have a philosophy about religion and spiritual life. I believe that God does not care whether or not you worship God, Buddha, or whoever else. I think that; in his eyes; we could quite possibly be worshipping Him no matter what name we give Him. I see no reason why this could not be so. Different cultures celebrate holidays differently, so why can't we praise God differently.  I see no fault in this.

     I have also begun to see how eastern religion is so much more devoted than the West. They devote their whole life to God and spend their lives contemplating themselves and living constantly in Him. Many people mis-take Eastern religions for  having false gods or for believing that they are their own God, but this is untrue(in most cases).  They believe that God lives in them; that there is no separation.  Isn't this an even better way to think than "you are not with God, he is in Heaven and you can't have Him til you die,"?  After reading about religions in the East I have started to realize that Christianity(my religion)is almost lazy. Christians, although religious, go to church once or twice a week and then go back to their ordinary, sinful, suffering lives. They sing a few hymns, say a few prayers, and that seems to be the end of it! They are much too concerned with materialistic things. Eastern religions are so much more devoted.  These people spend every minute of every day disciplining themselves and meditating until they finally gain Truth and then they longer have to try; they simply are. They live in the truth and in ultimate peace and happiness. It is all very amazing and incredible. All the more, it is incredible that these religions have not been discovered by so many! So, I suppose in voicing myself here today I would like to hope that someone has read with great intention and perhaps will start a new part of their lives with these words. The least you can do is look into it. No one can lock you up for that! Just go check out a book at the library; perhaps a beginners guide to Buddhism or an introductory book to the Hindu religion. It could not hurt just to be a little curious. That is what I did and I found that it changed my life!

 +A note on Marilyn Manson :     I think the whole thing about Marilyn Manson is a bit rediculous. I mean, there are all these Christians who are totally attacking him for what he believes and for being himself. Don't get me wrong, I would not go up on stage and do the kinds of things he does, but that does not mean he doesn't have the right to. If that is the person that he chooses to be, then so be it. I'm not going to condemn(sp?) him for being open and being himself. In a way, I look up to him for being able to stand up for himself and show himself to the world. I think people should just ease up on him a little. Does God not say to love everyone; even your enemies? Well then, why are you people condemning him? That right there is a sin in Gods eyes! It is also more rediculous suffering; more worrying about something or someone you cannot change. Do you really think if enough people hate him he will just go away? Of course not! If he has been strong enough to come out and open up to the world then surely he is strong enough to stay that way.
    Try listening to him talk sometime. Watch a little MTV and just listen to him; without hatred or fear. You will find that he is not just some satanic crazy man who belongs in a padded cell. Marilyn Manson is a very intelligent man! He speaks with wisdom and with feeling. I do not agree with some things such as his religion, but if that is the religion he chooses to follow...that is no ones decision but his own. Its so stupid how people won't talk to you because you are "that religion!" If I were to come up to my best friend or a teacher at my school one day and tell them that I was a Buddhist, they would either cowar away in fear and precede to gossip about me, or they would try to "help" me. I wouldn't need any help! There would be nothing wrong with me! Just because Marilyn Manson worships the devil(doesn't he?) doesn't mean he goes out and sacrifices people to Satin. Satanism is like any other religion. True, it is Satin. But, they have church and worship services, too. So, I suppose that I find myself being more curious of Marilyn Manson than afraid. Who here knows that he used to be a preacher! Anyone? You never would have imagined, right? "Oh, some one like that could never have been a preacher," you say, but he is actually no different than any of us. We are all very abnormal when you start to think about it. There really is no "normal" person! Everyone has their own image of a normal person, so there really aren't any; if you want to get technical about it.  
 

+Adi Da Samraj and The Way of the Heart :         I have recently been studying Adidam, or the Way of the Heart. I find the things that Adi Da says in Method of the Siddhas and other books to be very profound and informative. He talks of things such as Divine Truth and Understanding as well as Ultimate Peace; which is Truth itself. He talks of how people live their lives suffering constantly-even at the happiest of moments-and always blaming it on "others". He talks of this "separate self" Point-of-view which everyone has to some degree or another and how that is the cause of much (if not all) of the suffering. If we all think separate and separatively we will always be full of ego; full of suffering.
 
[this is a picture of Adi Da with one of the camels at the Fear-No-More Zoo in California. Here they treat the animals as they believe animals should be treated; with respect and love and happiness like humans.]
 
  I find it sad and pityful when I show people a book like Method of the Siddhas or The Heart's Shout. They either won't touch it out of fear of "that" religion, or they will make fun of it and the pictures of Adi Da. I find it disturbing that they can't see him (Adi Da); who he is! They don't get it! They don't get it so they make fun and critisize "this guy". I sickens me some that they would stoop so low as to make fun of something so serious

 and important to me; my own friends! It also makes me feel sorry for them because they are so close-minded that they would never NOT make fun. I wish they could like it and open up to it, but they dismiss it at first glimpse.

There are a few (not already reading Adi Da's work) who actually respect my opinions and who think I should do what I feel is right....but those are few and in between.

[this picture shows Edward giving a very special concert to Adi Da; quite intriguing.]

 +Peace is Now :    People say all the time that they are living Now. Do you really know what living Now is? I mean, think about it....how much of your life do you spend just worrying about the bad test grade yesterday or the fight with your boss last week?   I use a rainbow as an example simply because I once had an experience with one that really opened my eyes. I rainbow is something rare, right? Something you enjoy seeing no matter what the case, but it never lasts very long. You sit and watch it; maybe from your front porch or perhaps the car window; but when it starts to fade away you think, "Oh no! Don't leave!". And then, that action, that worry, that distraction is all you see. It steels the beauty and pleasure in the rainbow. You are so worried about it disappearing that you can't even enjoy what is left of it. And then it is gone and you worry even more because you worried so much about it leaving that you missed all the joy.   There really is no point to all of this worrying we do. I mean, its not like the rainbow is just going to go, "Oh, I'm sorry! Were you enjoying me? I'll just come back then so you can enjoy me some more!" and come back. So, what is the point of worrying about something that cannot be changed? Oh, you say, "But I can't not worry! How do you not worry? That makes no sense!" Well, it makes no sense because our minds have been trianed to worry. We have trained ourselves to be worrysome and even paranoid. We simply must untrain our minds and then we can stop making such a fuss over things that really make no difference in our lives presently. Yesterday simply has no relevence now. It is not now! If you we could all just forget the past and the future and live now, then perhaps we would all be at peace. Of course we can't have world peace right here and now with everyone and everything, but we have to start someplace. And you or me or anyone is the place to start. For, once you are at peace and happy, there is world peace...through your eyes; your point-of-view.
 
                +A note on Children :
  It really amazes me....how unconditional a child's love is. You can yell and scream at them all day long and they still make you little drawings and "I love you" pictures. I wish everyone had that sort of outlook on life. Children are often times much more intelligent than we give them credit for. They never worry about yesterday or tomorrow or next year like adults do. You could tell them that the world was coming to an end tomorrow and they would simply run off and play. They just have no interest whatsoever in anything that is not now. Now is all they care for and now is what they live; nowness.
 

+It Has A Lot To Do With How You Look At Your Life :     My life has not been the easiest, and I have yet to live most of it. I am only fifteen, but already many tradgedies have happened in my life. When I was 9 years old my mother died from breast cancer. Even at that young age, a beleive I showed a muturity beyong my years. I dealt with the whole thing pretty well. I do remember that I would never tell people about her death. I would always lie and change the subject for fear of ridicule. For many years I felt a little different and just not right. I wasn't constantly hating myself and life, but I would see my friends with their families and wish I had it. To make things even more difficult, my father has polio and has been on crutches since he was my own age. That meant I had to do a lot for myself, whcih was tuff for me. I never thought of it as "all this stuff I have to do," though. I guess I must have thought that everyone had to do stuff like I did.
    It wasn't until 6th grade, about 4 years after her death, that I finally told someone the truth; that she had died from cancer. And when I finally got those words out of me, those words I had been carrying inside me for over three years, I felt like a great burden had been lifted from my soul. Today, I am very open about the whole thing and, as you can see, am willing to talk to anyone who wants to about it. All my friends know and they think nothing of it. And I found that, in all my fear of being different all those years, I actually take it as a great compliment to myself that I am not like everyone else. Not that I don't wish my mother were back. She was the best mother there was, but her death has taught me so much and has made me stronger than many others my age when it comes to certain things. I thank my mother for that. And I know that she is with me always, so I do not worry about missing her. She is right here, in me. She is me! I live my life to give her a second. And that is one of the most important reasons for my wanting to become an artist. She would encourage me and help me out no matter what I wanted to do with my life, and I want to do something great to show her my thanks. I know that I do not have to and if it never happens I will not feel like a failure. Because, you see, she will never think me a failure, no matter what I do not accomplish.
    Her cancer, along with her sisters, has made me realize that I might also get it and I might also die from it before half of my life is even over. Truthfully, I cannot imagine having cancer, so I do not worry. But since I know the possibilities are high for me I realize that I must live my dreams; reach out and grab them; now or I may find myself missing out on everything I wanted in life. Often times people do that. They want something, but are afriad to reach out and grab it. They are afraid that some beast will bite their hand when they reach out for their dreams. I have learned that the least you can do is try your best, and when you know that you have tried you best - even if you don't succeed - you will still be happy with your best (you should! I am!). Besides, how will you ever fulfill your dreams or even know if it was possible if you are always too afraid to try things? You just gotta go for it, man! Ya know?!
    Well, a few years ago; I think '96; two brothers(childhood friends of mine)were at home alone. The younger of the two was cleaning his father's shotgun, and...well, you know what happened next. That gun went off (it was loaded, but very surspisingly so, because their father was not one to leave a gun loaded; he was very careful about that sort of thing.) and shot his older brother right in the chest. He died on the way to the hospital....
    When I heard about that I could not believe it. I guess I still can't really accept it. I think it would take seeing his body, actually dead, for me to really realize his death. He was not a very close friend, actually he was more of an enemy. My three friends and I spent our childhood days having wars with those two brothers. But, in the end, they were not really our enemies - but our friends. He was more to me then he was to all of my friends (except for his brother of course) because I had had a huge crush on him since I was seven years old. Over three years that crush lasted, only to have him taken away. But, I know that things like that, and the fact that I got through it okay, just make me stronger and more understanding towards those certain circumstances.